I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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