if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
At least make sure they are 18
Why
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
