He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
