would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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