how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
