At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
