She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
