I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I understand Curling. That high.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
