just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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