they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
