just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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