I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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