I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
