I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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