I heard we made out
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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