Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
