Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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