this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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