She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
