Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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