You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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