drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
