she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I had to cum in my sink.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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