He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
