Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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