I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
