he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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