is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
