I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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