bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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