Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
