saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude i'm inner monologue high
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
