i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
