I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
