I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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