I am in a vortex of obligation.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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