She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
