I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
