Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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