At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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