This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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