He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
