Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
