She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
