im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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