I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
