You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
