if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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