Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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