I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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